Warning, You Might Not Like What You Hear.

Life is hard.
I find that my biggest mistake so far is thinking that it's going to get easier.
I've done a lot of things in my short life here. Some of them good and others not so good, some which are down right evil.

I've had to do a lot of soul searching this past year. I keep waiting for me to figure it all out. I keep waiting for that point in time where I know who I am, and I'm in love with who I am and I have no question about where I want to go, what I want to do in life, etc. I want thtat point in life where I'm certain that I've made the right choices and I'm just there, existing, happy every day just to be me. I keep thinking that moment will come when I'm married, have a family, a husband with a good job, a descent home to live in, etc. That's what I see as a real life. A successful life. Yet, I find myself in a completely different and almost opposite situation.

I'm a 25 year old girl. I got broken up with by a man who could have very easily been the love of my life. All of my friends, save a small handful, are married to the love of their lives. I on the other hand feel that I am almost being forced to live mine alone. Yes, I know. I have a wonderful family. I'm lucky to have a good job. I have "potential" "ambition". I'm "pretty" "outgoing" blah blah blah etc etc etc. Here's the problem that I find with any and all of these "comforting" things...it isn't what I want. It isn't what I've been taught can even remotely bring me happiness. I know that none of it will bring me to that peaceful point where I feel comfort and purpose and fulfillment.

I'm a 25 year old girl. I am alone while being surrounded by hundreds of people every day. I'm isolated among friends.

Do you know what it's like to literally have one desire in life? Do you know what it's like to yearn for something so much that you would do almost anything to obtain it? Do you know the strive, the heartache, the pain that goes into that yearning? I do.
Do you know what it is like to have no control whatsoever as to when that goal is to be obtained? Do you know what it's like to done everything that is in your power to reach that goal and then have your dreams crushed over and over again as you see others obtaining that very same goal that you've had all along? I do.
Do you know what it's like to try to give up? to want to give up so bad that you almost destroy your chances of every achieving that goal? Because you're so tired of not having control? Because your mind and your heart hurt so much from trying so hard constantly? I do.
I guess I'm writing this to feel something different. Secretly hoping as my emotions bleed out into words that I might rid myself of any emotion I've felt before. Maybe magically it will make it all go away. It will make it so I will start fresh. I'll be that person that everyone else sees and these feeling won't matter anymore.
Feelings, emotions...just to name a few. Hopeless, inadequate, alone, conflicted, irritated, sad, discontent, frustration, sorrow. It's funny as I list them I realize that they aren't logical emotions. I realize that those are emotions that others try to take away by saying things like "i love you" "I'm praying for you" "I'm here when you need me" "please don't be sad" ...do they realize how shallow those words are? Do they realize how empty they sound? Do they know?
I know this sounds horrible. I'm sorry if it alarms anyone. It's just an in the moment feeling.

Sarah Bareilles, Gravity. Just one of those songs...

Somethin' always brings me back to you
it never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do
Still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch,
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much,
to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free
Leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am
And I stand so Tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be.

But,you're on to me and all over me.

Oh,You loved me cause I'm fragile.
I thought that I was strong.
But you touched me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free,
leave me be,
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
here I am and I stand so tall,
Just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me
and all over me.

I live here on my knees
as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think I need
here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe
though i can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keepin' me
down.

You're keepin' me down.

You're on to me, on to me, and all over.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes to long...

If You Judge People You Have No Time to Love Them

Tonight was the General Relief Society Broadcast. It happens once every other year, always the weekend before General Conference. I always look forward to it.

For those of you who don't know, the Relief Society is an all woman's organization. It's actually the largest woman's organization in the world. It stretches across the world in over 170 nations. It is affiliated, and is part of the religious practice, of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons). It's amazing.

During this broadcast we are able to hear from the Prophet on the earth today. As of now, this is Thomas S. Monson. He spoke on charity tonight. He shared this quote from Mother Teresa, which is now the title of this blog:

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them"

It struck me in about five different ways all at once. I am speaking of just one at this time.

We have to love. It is a necessity and a natural instinct for all women, everywhere. A thought crossed my mind as I pondered this...we have to love ourselves. If we don't realize who we are and what we are sent here to do it is impossible for us to fulfill the mission we have been given to be charitable. We, in order to be filled with compassion, have to know the love our Savior has for us. After all, charity is the pure love of Christ.

Charity Never Faileth.

That's the Relief Society's theme. It's kind of a loaded sentence. President Monson said that Charity, to him, is the opposite of criticism and judgment. We, as humans, judge and criticize mercilessly. We view different as bad, obnoxious, annoying, etc. We see others as less than or more than ourselves. Yet, these judgments we make in our minds on a daily basis are some of the most incorrect assumptions on the face of the planet. They are only what we create in our own minds. We each see the world around us in completely different lights. Our reality is not the next persons. We are all different.

He shared a story, a true story, about a woman who had a boarding house across from a hospital. She used to keep outpatients there. One night an elderly man with a swollen, red face came to her door. Her rooms were all filled. She spoke with the man, he had been looking for a room since noon that day. He had been turned away by all others. He offered to even sleep in a rocking chair. Her husband set him up a cot. He left the next morning, refusing breakfast, thanking them for their kindness. Throughout the years of his treatment for his face, he came back to the inn and stayed, each time bringing a gift. Sometimes he would send them packages with gifts for their kindness to him. A neighbor, who had turned the man away, told the woman she was most likely losing business by letting people who looked like him in. The woman just thought to herself, if they only knew him.

It's what is inside each of us that counts. Nobody but God Himself knows what is truly in us. Let Him be the judge.

Have charity...it never faileth.

Her Eyes Met Mine, and I've Never Seen Such Windows Into Heaven

Have you ever had the opportunity to sit and look into a newborn baby's eyes?

I've had a lot on my mind lately and came home from a long commute of thinking about all the things that I had been avoiding the whole day in order to keep it together at work. I was expecting to go to a ward activity with a good friend of mine and instead I walked into a home with two rambunctious toddlers, a decently content newborn, and one very sick Sister-in-law. Sara sat down to take her temperature and it was a whopping 102, which for a nursing mom is never good...never really good for anyone. She sat up awhile, I got a pizza for dinner, and then I took the baby and sent her to bed.

After wrangling the older two and having scriptures and prayers and getting ready for bed and singing songs and getting cups...I was sitting quietly rocking the newborn, Kaylee, and enjoying the most peace that I had in weeks. She was hungry, I gave her a bottle, she finished it off and as I pulled it away her eyes met mine. Usually newborns' eyes don't really have a lot to say. They just aren't that expressive at two weeks old. But, tonight it was different. Her eyes met mine and I've never seen such windows to Heaven before. It was as if I could see the excitement, the love, the happiness, the joy and any other emotion you could possibly think of being there, and it all came from that tiny baby's eyes.

I sat there with her staring at me, me staring back at her, for a few minutes. I felt more love from that little Kaylee girl than I have from anyone or anywhere for a long while.

The words of Amazing Grace come to mind when I think of how I might express the feelings which flooded over me in those few moments. "I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see".

There is a Heaven. In that Heaven there is a Father and His Son. They love us more than we will ever comprehend. They are perfect, in Them we can become such,and only in Them. It is our choice to turn towards or away from them. Sometimes that choice as simple as it always is, seems as if it may be the hardest decision we will ever have to face. All I know is that life is hard no matter what we choose. If we choose to do it with Him, sometimes we get fleeting moments where we are on top of the world and we realize that although it is hard, it is right. If we choose to turn away we fall. This fall is always easy, always long, and always hurts in the end no matter the thrill that comes on the way down.

I am Yours

So, I came home from work the other day and my niece, Aurora, who is two years old, climbed in my lap and looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said, "Many I your squishy". This, if you know her, is what she says almost every day when I walk in the door from work. It's a nickname I gave her when she was a newborn because her cheeks were so big! I looked back down at her and said, "yes, you are my squishy, and I love you!" She then pulled out the book, 'You are Special'.

I read it to her. Most of you are familiar with the story. A wooden doll doesn't realize his potential or value or worth because nobody around him does. He goes to see the wood worker, his maker, and realizes that he is special because he was made by this wood worker.

The application to the gospel is obvious, but sometimes the most obvious things in life sometimes get overlooked the most. Plenty of people prove this every day.

I had tears in my eyes as I read the line, "you are special, because you are mine". How many times does our Father in Heaven tell us this throughout the scriptures? Throughout our days? Through those around us?

I began to think of the worth I am told I possess. I pondered on how incomprehensible the love my God has for me. He is my FATHER. I am HIS. How amazing is that?

I watch the way my parents love me, and care for me, and are concerned for me. It never ceases to amaze me that after all the wretched things I have done to them, they still love me as if I were perfect. They guide me at 25 almost more than they did at 2. They are there when I'm happy, sad, frustrated, and any emotion in between. They are righteous, kind, and loving parents. I watch them do this and then realize that there is a Father I have who loves me even more fully, even more intensely. I cannot fully grasp it. Yet, even the thought of it literally brings tears to my eyes.

I am special because I am HIS.

There will most likely be more on this thought to come. Just had to get this much out on 'paper'.

Inspired People

Can I just say how incredibly thankful I am to have so many wonderfully inspired people around me?

Not gonna lie, this week has been a doozy. I'm not going to go into detail about why it was that way, don't feel like explaining it. I will tell you about how our God is an awesome God and how He puts people in our paths continually!

I got a blessing because of this doozy of a week and had two wonderful friends there to support me in a time of need. Since one of these friends is an amazing and worthy priesthood holder, he was able to give said blessing to me. The words which came out of his mouth are words only my Heavenly Father could speak to me. Those are the words that started my head thinking clearly again and helping me see the people Father has put in my path.

I know that there are many ways our Father can speak to us. He seems to either knock me upside my head with a giant club of some sort or He just lets me do my own thing and nods his head quietly in the corner as I move around the room eventually finding the spot where He wanted me to be in the first place. He's been nodding a lot lately, unfortunately I've been wandering a lot more than normal. This is where the inspired people come into play. Everywhere I turn there is a person in my day that normally wouldn't be there. Oddly enough these people have spoken to my heart more than they will ever know.

Example 1: My aunt calls me up out of the blue late last night. She had read my previous post and told me her opinion on it. I value her opinion very much. She is one of those people I utterly admire. She helped me think clearly about myself and about my thoughts. She boosted my confidence and roweled up my spirits. Her words were exactly what I needed to hear but had no clue that I needed them until I heard them. I don't normally have late night phone conversations with my aunt, this one was inspired.

Example 2: I had a niece born today. Her name is Kaylee and she is a beautiful, healthy baby at her 8 lbs 9 oz weight. Because of this miracle taking place I came home to my other niece and nephew being taken care of by their grandma. She's my brother's mother-in-law...kind of an odd person to have a personal conversation with. She's been through a lot in life. She hasn't done everything perfectly, but she has done her best. She was able to relate to a lot of things going through my mind right now and help me gain clarity. Yet again, odd person to have a deep, personal conversation with, but it was inspired.

Example 3: One of my cousins, who is the same age as I, talked to her mom, said aunt, and decided to call. She also spoke words of comfort to me. She was able to logically think through much of what is going on and yet still emotionally feel for me. This was an early morning phone conversation. I don't normally pick up my phone in the morning. Yet again, this was inspired.

These are just the examples that I have off the top of my head. Throughout my life there have been many individuals placed in my path who have been able to help me along my wandering ways. I still haven't quite reached that spot that my Father has waiting for me, but I believe I am closer because of these people. I'm at least facing the right direction now.

I love inspired people, thank you for listening to Father.

How Can I Help You Understand?

All little girls dream of a day when they are swept off their feet in their own unique way and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after with their "prince". Some little girls get their dream exactly the way they planned it. Others get surprise after surprise through life until their dream molds into something completely different than what they first saw. I am one of those little girls, my dreams have molded to fit what my life has become.

My dreams have changed many times throughout the years. Finally they came to a stand still. I realized that I would never be able to pin point what my dream was going to be, what was going to really make me the happiest that I could possibly be.

This is where it gets cheesy, but it's needed. You have helped me see that dream. You've helped me recognize what my dream was all along, to be loved. To be loved by someone who is more wonderful than they themselves could ever know, or imagine. I have always dreamed of walking next to a man who knows exactly how to let me be me and how to help me become better than before at the same time. I want to have the chance to help someone reach the potential they have. Someone who I can confide in without apprehension. A person that is willing to give of himself to anyone and everyone who needs him. He has the desire to serve continually and to love unconditionally. A partner in everything I do.

I know you have things about you that you tell me I've never seen. There are sides of you I should be terrified of. The thing is that those sides are in every person. Those things, although they may be unique to you in your situation, would come with anyone. If it wasn't your issues it would be something else with someone else. It'd be a hidden pornography problem, an open infidelity issue, an alcohol problem, not respecting leaders, not having a desire to do what's good and right. The thing is that for every person who seems to be that prince charming there will always be a darker, more realistic side to him, always.

I've chosen to see where you and me go together. I've chosen to see that darker side of you when it comes out and to stand by and see if the brighter side of me can help you pull out of the darker side of you. I'm hoping that you can do the same for me.

I'm not a perfect, nor will I be here and now. I have many faults of my own. Mine might not be as visible as others. They might take more than a couple of weeks to unravel and to show. These issues of mine can be just as detrimental to my health, my relationships, my progression, etc. as yours are to you. Just because they aren't visible doesn't mean they aren't there.

I knew what the snake was when I picked it up my love, I'm just hoping that it isn't as venomous as it thinks it is.

Hopefully this makes a little bit of sense, I never know if it will as I write with more emotion than logic.

In my head and in my heart all I know is that I love you. I love you and that is about the only thing that has made sense in my life for the past two years. It makes more sense the longer I feel it.

Purely an Early Morning Sunrise

I’m lying here in my bed, not able to sleep. My mind can’t fathom the thought of rest at this point. The only thing in it is you. I am trying to figure out why that might be the case. I care for you, I know that much to be true, yet, I care for many people. Why are you different? What makes you special? I think about you and the heartache and the hardship in your life; the “what if’s” and wishes that have come to pass. I wonder if I can ever be enough to make them disappear. I fantasize of what our lives would be like if I were able to accomplish that daunting task. In the end, my thoughts always return to my feelings towards you.
I say I care for you, but what do I really mean by this? It’s more than I have been able to express. Even in my own mind these feelings are still mere ramblings. I hope to make a little bit of sense now, here, on paper.
You’ve come into my life at a time that I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be. I was at a point where my plans had failed me. I had no desire to make any more goals and was willing to give up many I had already. I was unable to see over the horizon, on to the next adventure. I was, as I call it, “broken”, and had no idea how to “fix” myself. It’s been a whirlwind so far, you and I. Most whirlwinds come because of dangerous storms surrounding them, they leave things obliterated. Our whirlwind doesn’t feel like that. Maybe I need a better word to describe the fleeting feelings I have when I am with you and the deep admiration I have for who you are and who you can become, this unbreakable confidence you give me and the desire to be something again. There is so much happening all at once and I have a difficult time focusing on one emotion, feeling, or thought. I guess if I were to pick something to describe what I feel between us it would be a little like this:
A sunrise over a calm mountain lake, the silence unbroken except by the sounds of boat docks rocking. The excitement felt within your lungs as the cool, crisp morning air touches them. In a moment, as you look over the almost fluorescently bright colors across the water, you recognize you don’t belong. You are an intruder. The yearning in your stomach to change the pain that comes with this realization hits you. You aren’t a part of the natural beauty which surrounds you, the only true desire you have is to become one with everything in your grasp. Your only conscious thought is that you will never be fully part of this majestic scene unless it opens its arms and accepts you. This acceptance can come as the beauty itself expects you to be there, a part of it. You can’t force it; you sit and wait patiently, hoping that at any moment this miracle may happen. You let the silence engulf you. You wait, almost motionless, desiring this stillness to be the key to your success. The yearning grows stronger inside of you. You are able to feel, literally, every inch of your being reaching out in agony as the desire grows. Your mind wanders to a new place. A notion you haven’t felt before comes. Maybe, you are part of it already. Maybe your beauty, unseen as it may be, completes the one you are seeing by. The surroundings themselves recognize only partially how true this completion may be. Yes, patience, patience is the key to this impossible dream becoming a reality.

Becoming

When do you "become" something?

This thought started as an inkling last night while I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine who is beginning a long trek back to where he belongs. I knew him as a missionary. He was maybe not the "best" missionary I knew, but he served with love, compassion, and desire...In my book add a little bit more obedience and everything would be perfect. That was his vice, we all have our own, don't pretend like you don't.

He came home from his mission and was distracted by the "shiny" things of the world. Easily done. Then, he became. I don't know when this takes place, or if it is a moment in time, but it happens. We all are constantly "becoming" something. Whether it is the normal physical transitions from child to teen to adult, or it is something of a spiritual matter, mentally, etc. He was becoming a wrestler and a college student. In turn he became a part of a team, a frat house, a partier. It's easy to look back and see the path he has walked and etched into the world. This all came crashing when he found himself maybe becoming an unwed father. He had to stop wrestling, losing his scholarships, dropping out of college because he couldn't afford it any longer, and found a full-time job at a prison. In a matter of days he became something completely different than what he was, or ever had been.

Some, at this point in the story, might look at this and passively say "what a waste of potential" "how sad" "if only" ...and all those pitiful sayings we use to cover up our true emotions toward something. Yet, he is still becoming, this isn't the end of the story...not yet. He started to attend his church meetings again, he felt something inside as he did and decided to meet with his bishop, he was directed to his stake president, and then had a disciplinary counsel. The counsel decided that he should attend his family ward, he should date members, and he should continue on his path for 6 months until they meet again.

Last night I spoke to this friend for a couple of hours. We caught up on everything in life. I do this periodically with this friend, probably once a month sometimes once every other month. Last night's conversation was the first time in a long time that he was the one to bring the gospel into play with questions I was asking. He's the one who made a spiritual connection to the way I was feeling about my life.

He is becoming. Becoming something of the man that God expects him to be. Becoming softer, kinder, gentler, more loving, caring, spiritually minded, focused, etc.

That's where this thought started. When do we become?

I came to work today, the only one in the office for most of the day, and passed by a mirror. I stopped and looked at myself, at first to make sure I didn't look absolutely horrible, then I realized that I am not that teenage girl that I usually think of myself as in my mind. I have become. I am a woman now, it startled me, which sounds humorous considering I am twenty-five and just now realizing that I am a woman. But it's true. It startled me.

I searched my face for a moment for what exactly changed, my hair, my eyes, my nose, my skin, etc. Really, not much has changed.

I realized something in that moment, it's my countenance. What's on the outside of me is basically the same as it was two years ago, but what's inside me is what has changed. I don't even know how, or what, but I do know it has. That's what has made me a "woman". I became.

I wish I had some profound conclusion, an answer to the question, but I do not. I don't understand this concept. It's almost the same as growth. It happens, we don't know when and we surely don't know why. One day, we wake up and we have morphed into something that we were not before, whether it is for the better or for the worse.

I guess all I can do right now is make sure that as I am "becoming" whatever it may be that I am, it is something that my Lord wants me to become, rather than falling prey to the "shiny" things of the world.

I Want to Be A Spotlight

So, I had this rad conversation with my cousin/bestie Carrie the other day. It got me thinking about a new metaphor for what I want to be like. Now I am going to try to eloquently explain it.

We hear about the Light of Christ, how we are supposed to emulate Christ, and how each of us has our own light to shine in front of the whole world. We have been told by prophets of old as well as prophets in these days that if we fail to let our lights shine before the world we aren't fulfilling our duty. So, here's the thing...I feel like my light was shining brighter and stronger at an earlier point in my life.

When I was twenty years old, I was a student at BYU-Idaho along with my best friends. We were all extreme lights to the world. We owned the world in our palms. We knew exactly who we were, what we were doing, and where we were going. We were happy, healthy, and had fun almost non-stop. I want to be that Mandy again, only older and wiser from experience.

With that bit of a background and introduction, Carrie and I were talking about how we used to be those vibrant lights to all those around us and how we would like to become those lights again. I told her, without thinking much about it, that I would like to be a spotlight. This, in turn, stayed on my mind (partially because she wrote about it on her blog). I want to be a spotlight, what does that mean? How do I make that happen? Spotlights are some of the brightest lights I have ever seen. They are made to make people stand out, usually while displaying an amazing talent/ability given to them. They are a solid, constant, consistent light. They can be changed to focus on one or various people. Sometimes, spotlights can even change color. Let's apply all of these facts into how each of us can become a spotlight.

We have to be bright. It seems a common metaphor to compare the human being with a candle flame. I thought about wanting to be like a bonfire, but then I realized that when you have a bonfire next to a candle, the candle's flame doesn't seem to exist, or seems very small. I don't want to be powerful and make others lights not shine as bright, or become unnoticeable. Spotlights, most of the time brighter than bonfires, are also a different kind of light. A spotlight could actually be used to help a candle flame become more noticeable because of this difference. Its light will not lessen or diminish the value of the candle flame. I want to do this for other people. I want to make who they are more noticeable. I want to be as bright as I possibly can be while helping others create more of an impact too. I want to help people display their own talents and abilities, never drown them out.

I want to be a spotlight rather than a flame because spotlights are constant and consistent. They are giving the same amount of light the whole time they are on. They don't vary according to the wind, rain, smog, sun, etc. They are the same no matter where they are or what they are around. As long as a spotlight is shining they are at full power. My desire is to be a stronghold such as a spotlight. Reliable, sturdy, constant, etc. It's important to do this in order to accomplish the first desire of being a spotlight.

Spotlights can be different sizes and colors. I think this comes into play when a person is able to be put into any situation, comfortable or not, and still be what they need to be. I want to be adaptable enough that no matter what situation I find myself in, I can become comfortable with who I am in that situation. I also still want to be a spotlight in any situation I find myself in.

This is a metaphor that is a work in progress, but I feel like it is going well so far. I want to be a spotlight. That's all I want to be. I want to be happy, outgoing, fun, and confident. I want to be that twenty year old me with more experience and more wisdom, but the same vibrancy. I will accomplish this goal.

To the Heroes in My Life, and All Others in Existance.

This time of year has become somewhat important to me throughout my life. It all started when I was a little kid. It was an extra day off of school just as the sun was coming out, the weather was warming up, and the pools were opening. I remember begging my mom to let us jump into the pool in the barely seventy degree weather. Then begging her to let me and a cousin ride our bikes to the 7-ll down the main road from where we live to buy the most amazing summer treat, a slurpee. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

These few days grew more important to me as I learned the meaning of Memorial day and why we got those magnificent days off. We are a unique country in our history and our present. There are many lives and loved ones which have been sacrificed throughout the years on our behalf. We have freedoms like nowhere else in this existence of ours. It was given to us by those sacrifices, those martyrs, those who are true heroes.

When I was seven my little sister, Mary Beth, was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. It is a childhood cancer somewhat like Leukemia. She lived until she was seven years old, four years later. She is a miracle in my life. Some wonder how that could be, considering the fact that she has passed from this life into the next. The truth is that she was able to defy many odds. She wasn't supposed to live as long as she did, and her attitude through it all was remarkable. She continually exemplified what it means to be happy in our troubles and despairs. As a five year old little girl she understood what it meant to have faith in God. There was a spirit of contenment with her situation which she carried to all those around her. She became a hero to me and to many others through this process. It's only fitting that when she finally returned home to her Father in Heaven she did it on a weekend which is already celebrated for so many heroes in this world. I only wish I could be closer to her physical grave at this time in order to pay the respects I know she deserves.

My thoughts also turn to my mother and father. They are such amazing people. I am so lucky and honored to have them in my life and be able to call them my parents. I don't believe they truly understand or grasp what they have given to me, nor how much of an effect they had on helping Mary Beth be the person she was here on this earth, and I am sure that she is in Heaven. They are my unsung heroes, which I whope one day will understand the reverence I have for them.

I am now sitting on my front porch, conveniently overlooking a cemetary. All day long I have been intrigued by the presence of so many different people paying tribute to those who they love and care for. American flags speckle the ground a gift to those who have given it their all. Flowers are in bloom on almost every grave. As I watch and admire their beauty in full bloom, children run and play, as the elderly stop and ponder a moment upon certain graves. I'm sure they are pondering not only the lives of those who ahve been lost, but their own, and the future lives of the children which they bring with them.

What a legacy we have. What an enormous responsibility to keep it going. I love this country, I love those who built it for me. To the heroes in my life, and the heroes in all others' lives out there. Thank you, and God bless.