Purely an Early Morning Sunrise

I’m lying here in my bed, not able to sleep. My mind can’t fathom the thought of rest at this point. The only thing in it is you. I am trying to figure out why that might be the case. I care for you, I know that much to be true, yet, I care for many people. Why are you different? What makes you special? I think about you and the heartache and the hardship in your life; the “what if’s” and wishes that have come to pass. I wonder if I can ever be enough to make them disappear. I fantasize of what our lives would be like if I were able to accomplish that daunting task. In the end, my thoughts always return to my feelings towards you.
I say I care for you, but what do I really mean by this? It’s more than I have been able to express. Even in my own mind these feelings are still mere ramblings. I hope to make a little bit of sense now, here, on paper.
You’ve come into my life at a time that I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be. I was at a point where my plans had failed me. I had no desire to make any more goals and was willing to give up many I had already. I was unable to see over the horizon, on to the next adventure. I was, as I call it, “broken”, and had no idea how to “fix” myself. It’s been a whirlwind so far, you and I. Most whirlwinds come because of dangerous storms surrounding them, they leave things obliterated. Our whirlwind doesn’t feel like that. Maybe I need a better word to describe the fleeting feelings I have when I am with you and the deep admiration I have for who you are and who you can become, this unbreakable confidence you give me and the desire to be something again. There is so much happening all at once and I have a difficult time focusing on one emotion, feeling, or thought. I guess if I were to pick something to describe what I feel between us it would be a little like this:
A sunrise over a calm mountain lake, the silence unbroken except by the sounds of boat docks rocking. The excitement felt within your lungs as the cool, crisp morning air touches them. In a moment, as you look over the almost fluorescently bright colors across the water, you recognize you don’t belong. You are an intruder. The yearning in your stomach to change the pain that comes with this realization hits you. You aren’t a part of the natural beauty which surrounds you, the only true desire you have is to become one with everything in your grasp. Your only conscious thought is that you will never be fully part of this majestic scene unless it opens its arms and accepts you. This acceptance can come as the beauty itself expects you to be there, a part of it. You can’t force it; you sit and wait patiently, hoping that at any moment this miracle may happen. You let the silence engulf you. You wait, almost motionless, desiring this stillness to be the key to your success. The yearning grows stronger inside of you. You are able to feel, literally, every inch of your being reaching out in agony as the desire grows. Your mind wanders to a new place. A notion you haven’t felt before comes. Maybe, you are part of it already. Maybe your beauty, unseen as it may be, completes the one you are seeing by. The surroundings themselves recognize only partially how true this completion may be. Yes, patience, patience is the key to this impossible dream becoming a reality.