The Atonement of Jesus Christ

I have this picture a dear friend gave to me hanging on my wall. On the left there is a man holding His hand out, reaching for something. He is bearded with kind and loving eyes. His eyes pierce your soul, even from a picture. On the right another man, also bearded, with eyes which seem to say "I can't do it... at least not alone! I need help!". His hand is almost reaching, more like rising to a position of reaching. He almost has hesitation in his movement. In between the two is a stormy, clouded sky with rays of light shining between the clouds, onto waves of water with two men standing on top of the water. The man on the left is our Savior, the man on the right, Peter, His disciple.

Walking on water must not have been an easy task, but it was simple. Peter, even being a strong man could not accomplish this simple task on his own. He needed his Savior to help.

This picture is a representation of the Savior's Atonement for me. It shows us attributes our Savior possess to prove that He is the Son of God and a Perfect being. This story of Peter becomes a parable to our lives, and to the Atonement.

Peter sees Christ on the water, and calls to Him. Christ beckons Peter to come forward onto the water. With faith Peter walks on water. Peter recognizes the storms around him and begins to sink. Peter cries for the Lord and the Lord reaches out to lift Peter up.

We see Christ. We have a desire to come closer to Him. Christ wants us to come to Him, He is continually calling to us. We must have the faith to walk on water to reach Him. As we act in faith, sometimes, we fall, we begin to sink. We see life or mortality as hard. It's too much to handle. We fall into temptations of physical, mental, emotional pleasures. We sink. We must call out to our Savior for help. We must so that He can reach for us.

Elder Holland has said that Christ has descended below all so that no matter how far we fall He can be there to lift us back up.

Christ is there to lift us as we ask for Him to.

He is there to lift us, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Brother, and our Friend.
He is the Son of God, the Only Begotten, the Prince of Peace. He loves us. We must show our love to Him by living His gospel to the fullest and by leaning on the saving powers of His Atonement.
Through His grace we shall be saved.

Here is a LONG one for you...

Ok, well, it's Thanksgiving break. We have the whole week off. I'm still in Rexburg. It seems as much as I want to leave this place I can never get away. Randy and I went down to Utah this past Saturday. It was really nice, even if it was just for one day. I got to see some of my favorite people in the whole world, and introduce them to another one of my favorite people! I love it when that happens.

So, to update on what I wrote my last blog on... Starting with therapy and depression. I've had the opportunity to go and see a therapist on campus. He has diagnosed me with situational depression. Basically that means when life gets really stressful my body handles it as if I had depression. That's been really fun to deal with lately seeing as every part of my life that I have had comfortable for the past six years is about to disappear. Starting a new chapter in life is one of the most intriguing and yet stressful things that I could possibly do. I have flip-flopped back and forth SO much about what I am going to do after graduation. I was consistently stressed about it. Finally, after about six different decisions I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to go home for a couple of months. I figure that right now I have no money, no job, no place to live, etc. going home is one of the best things I could do. I haven't been home for more than a couple of weeks at a time for the past three years. I'm really excited to be with my family, and actually be able to be a part of their lives.

The next thing on the agenda is addiction. Anna went to a seminar on addictive minds. It was given by a neurosurgeon. He presented how there are physical and mental addictions. Physical addiction, as we all know, has effects on the brain which shrink the logical mind, thus making it so that a person can't make decisions logically. Mental addictions, the one in focus being pornography, do the exact same thing. Your mental state is literally changed. Even though you aren't putting a substance into your body it has the same effects. SO take that every person on this planet that says, "it isn't effecting anyone else, it's my own personal choice."

Speaking of people that I want to stick it to...Obama. Can we just talk about the absolutely ridiculous taxes that he is putting on the people, or "senate" is putting on the people. Mainly his soda tax. I am sure there are some good points about it...but it drives me crazy.

Obviously I have a bit of aggression. I've been looking for healthy ways to let it out, that one goes back to the therapist. I started fighting again. Lol I know what you're thinking, 'that's a healthy way to let it out?' Ya... this way it is! I swear! I go to a martial arts class once or twice a week and started boxing again, whenever I can find someone to do it with. It makes me so happy! The other night I got home and I was a lot happier than when I had left. Anna asked why and all I could think of was, "do you know how good it feels to punch someone as hard as you can, in the face?" Anyway, it's been great, and I'm getting back into shape with it.

And last but not least... My cousin Beth is in the hospital with double pneumonia. She is twenty-six, a smoker, and they found some kind of a lump in her lungs the other week. She took a turn for the worst the other day. They put her on a breathing machine. Her body was using the oxygen they were giving her to try to fight the machine. The doctors induced her into a coma when her fever spiked the other night. Now it's just waiting to see which way she goes. The doctor told my aunt that the symptoms she is showing are those that people in their seventies usually show. Basically she would be dead if she was old, but because she is young she is fighting it. The irony is that she needs that will for her to survive, but it is that same will that might kill her because she is fighting the machines. If she turns for the better she'll have a long road back to recovery. They say that she might even have to learn how to walk all over again. If she doesn't recover it will be a long process of slowly slipping into the arms of our Heavenly Father.

I'm not ready to lose her.

When my mom called me to tell me what was happening, all of the memories I have with Beth went through my mind. There are a lot of them. I lot of really good ones. They flashed like it was a movie reel. I only remember a couple of other times in my life where that happened. It is usually when things are coming to an end, which scares me...because I don't want it to end. I found myself calling my mom and finding out all the updates, standing in the campus bookstore, fighting back tears. I don't cry that often, usually, and absolutely not in public.

So, there it is for now...until next time, just pray as much as possible...it's the only thing that people can do.

Reminder Post

This a blog to remind me to make another blog about these things: therapy, depression, addictions, Obama sucks, and fighting

Very Blessed by Godspeed

So, this past week I was working at a security desk in the library and an acquaintance walked by. I asked how he was, and he, being from Texas said, "very blessed". This term is one that I have heard a billion times. As I was serving as a missionary in the Houston area I heard it at least a few times a day. "how are you?" "very blessed". If I heard this phrase 3 times a day, which I am sure that I did, I must have heard it 1,641 times. The sad thing is that even though for a year and a half I heard this phrase over and over again, I never really stopped to think about what the people were actually saying. A couple of days ago I did. I realized, and was explained by this young man, that it was a way of reminding himself that everything he has is due to the Lord. Intriguing, I know. We go about our lives trying to become better and accomplish many different tasks, and everything we do, receive, or give is all because of the Lord. How many times do we really stop to think about what that means.

I began thinking about this during fast and testimony meeting at church this past weekend (if any of you don't know what that is, ask, I'll explain). As the sacrament was being past I was thinking of the sacrifice my Savior has made for me. This thought lead to gratitude and how I can more fully show it. The next thing that came in this train of thought was the term 'very blessed'. It amazes me how simple it is to show our Heavenly Father and His Son how grateful we are for the things we have been given in our lives.

I'm not perfect, as most people know. In fact, I am a very inadequate individual most of the time. At times I feel as if there is more in my life to mourn and moan over rather than praising God and showing gratitude. This brings me to the second phrase I have been pondering this past week, "godspeed". What is that even supposed to mean? It only took me a second or two to break it down and realize, it means exactly what it says, "god's speed".

The Lord has his own timing. I don't always, and most of the time don't, understand why things happen on the timetable they do. All I know for sure is that God is in charge. He knows when in our lives it will be best for us to have anything and everything happen. We hear the term "good luck" quite a bit in our society. It's one of those patterns of speech that comes without even thinking because it is so common. Yet, I don't believe in luck. I believe in faith as an action word. The stronger our faith is and the more we act on it the more our Father in Heaven is able to bless us. "Luck" is a blessing given to us that we don't necessarily deserve but our Father has seen fit to give us. Yet, it has to be in his timing, because even though we desire it, it might not be the correct thing for us. He knows when and what we are supposed to get in our lives for us to become what He would have us become. So the next time you go to say "good luck" to someone, think twice about how it is in the Lord's hands, not yours, and Godspeed...you're very blessed.

New Hair Color...

So I'm getting really bored with my hair. I promised my mom that I would grow it long again seeing as it is her favorite and I haven't had it long in like 6 years. SO I found this hair color on Kelly Clarkson that I really like... a lot. Anyone who wants to comment on it, be my guest. Let me know what you think!

Well, I thought I was going to do better at this whole blogging thing, but maybe it will continue to be a random sampling of my life. Here is the latest:

I am living in American Fork with my oldest brother and his family. His family consists of my sis-in-law, 3 year old nephew, and 1 1/2 year old niece. They are adorable. Pictures will follow shortly of our adventures during this past few weeks. I just started working at Best Buy mobile selling cell phones. I like it so far. It's a great company to work for, I'm hoping to keep it for awhile. I initially moved down here hoping for a job at a treatment center for young women with disorders. I did get the job, just not until January when I'll be here permanently after graduation. I never really wanted to live in Utah, but it grows on me the longer I'm here...kinda like Idaho did.

Lately life has been kind of crazy. I know those of you who know me well are thinking "when isn't your life kinda crazy". It's normal sometimes, I promise. Anyways, when I moved down here I got a call from an ex who I hadn't talked to in 5 years. It was random and fun. We went longboarding with some friends down Provo canyon in the middle of the night. It was a blast. Since we've seen each other a lot. It's so nice to have a good friend here. No, for those who are wondering, nothing is going on, we are really good friends. I enjoy it. I'm still talking to my latest ex, Morgan. He's a good guy, and a good friend too. Sometimes I think I'm insane for not dating any of the boys in my life, but all I can say is that there isn't that spark that I'm looking for. I have gotten to a point where there is no fun to be had in dating. All I am looking for is that spark...it just hasn't come yet.

Meanwhile it has been really nice to get to connect with a couple of cousins and family, a couple of mission buddies, and a few friends. It has been great all in all, for some reason I am highly anxcious to get back to Rexburg. I miss school, I only have one semester left! But I will miss it. That is it in a nutshell for right now! Thanks for reading.

Summer In a Nutshell

Summer Time!
So, this semester has been crazy. It is my second to last semester here at school. Thank Goodness! I am going to school and interning at the same time. Needless to say, it gets a little busy. Classes are good. I am clustering in Family Studies as a minor, so most of the time I am learning about situations that I don't find myself in quite yet, but will be someday...hopefully. There is a great outlook of a gospel perspective in all of these classes which provides for awesome insights coming on a daily basis.
Boys, ah boys. There is always at least one right? There's the one that I was interested in and he wasn't. One that is a total creeper and I wish would disappear into thin air who keeps trying to ask me out on a regular basis. There is the one as of right now that I am very interested in and he seems to be the same way...but we will see how that goes ;-)
Work is work...I had two people quit on me this past week so it has been SO fun trying to fill in the gaps here and there. Needless to say I have been getting the twenty hours a week that is required for my internship. I am learning plenty about supervision and dealing with different personalities.
I had bad news come to me today. Sachiko Zink, one of my young woman's leaders, passed away today from cancer. She is the sweetest little Japanese lady. She always had a smile on her face and was always giving out compliments like crazy. Everything she ever said to me was sincere. She loved me, I loved her. She is absolutely in a better place than here. Having the knowledge of the gospel I do, I never really feel bad for the person who passes, it is mostly for their family. I figure that if they were good people, they are better off now. It is the ways of the world that are still working on their families.
Sister Zink was one of my mama's good friends too. My mom is a kind and loving person, but she is one who only has a small group of close friends. I feel for her at this time too. I love her and hate to see her go through any pain. I do love to see the strength and faith she has in our Lord as she goes through these challenges in life. She teaches me much through these experiences and I only hope that I am able to handle situations like this with as much grace as I see her do it with.
Life is funny, it throughs curveballs at you constantly...Roll with the punches.

Running, it's all about getting caught.

I have been pondering lately on different aspects of life. I guess the more appropriate way of putting it would be different phases in life. I had the opportunity to go down to Utah to visit some of my family and was "reunited" with a good friend of mine. I also ran into an ex-boyfriend's little sister. Yup, it was all in one weekend. This all got me thinking. Here I am roughly a quarter of the way done with my life. What have a learned? What experiences have I taken? Which ones did I pass up? I sit there watching my one year old niece running around the apartment. She has her arms hanging limp at her sides, shaking her shoulders back and forth make them flop all around her, as her little feet move as fast as they can. Her dad is chasing her, her legs never quite move as fast as they can to get away from him, but she keeps trying. Then I watch my nephew, he is three. He has fine tuned his motor skills a bit more and has a good chance of getting to a place he knows he'll be safe, but he still can't out run his father. The interesting thing is that he has learned that he can hide, something his sister is yet to find out. Every time one of them was caught the other would start to run, their dad would release the caught one and go after the running one. It's kind of an interesting analogy of life. No matter how old we are, how much skill we have, we are all a child to someone. We are all still developing and trying our hardest to run faster than the person behind us. Yet, what are we all running for? In the end aren't we are all caught? I guess the only answer I was able to come up with is the fact that it doesn't matter what the end is, it is how hard we try. Great application to the atonement right there. I will add to that, how much we learned matters too. We kind of get all the chances that are possible too. As soon as we are caught, we are let loose to learn more, and to put into application what we learned that time. It's the only way to progress. That's really all we are here for anyways, progression. Just a thought that went through my head this weekend, that's all.

There are thoughts rambling on in my head. I know I shouldn't stay up late at night. This is what always happens. As soon as something goes wrong, not even wrong, just unexpected in life... my body goes into defense mode. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on homework. It's an endless cycle of self deprivication. I sometimes wonder what person I could be if this wasn't the case. What if I was one of those women that just gracefully takes all hardships that are thrown in life? Who could I become then?
I was pondering this principle of whom I could become, it turned into an interesting conversation with myself in my head. I realized that God knows who I am. He is about the only one right now. I sure as sam hill don't know who I am. I try to figure it out, and as soon as I begin to think that I know, it all falls apart and shatters on the floor at my feet. Sure, there are the normal answers. I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, I know that. I have potential to become someone great. I have a wonderful family who loves me. I go to an amazing private university where I gain more knowledge and wisdom than I could anywhere else in this entire world. I sound pretty selfish when I say I wish that there was more to me. When I complain about not knowing who I am. It turns out that I know who I am much more than most my age. The only thing is that I live among the "elite" in that sense. I am in the middle of a couple thousand people who know exactly who they are and never question it. At least that is the way it seems.