Here is a LONG one for you...

Ok, well, it's Thanksgiving break. We have the whole week off. I'm still in Rexburg. It seems as much as I want to leave this place I can never get away. Randy and I went down to Utah this past Saturday. It was really nice, even if it was just for one day. I got to see some of my favorite people in the whole world, and introduce them to another one of my favorite people! I love it when that happens.

So, to update on what I wrote my last blog on... Starting with therapy and depression. I've had the opportunity to go and see a therapist on campus. He has diagnosed me with situational depression. Basically that means when life gets really stressful my body handles it as if I had depression. That's been really fun to deal with lately seeing as every part of my life that I have had comfortable for the past six years is about to disappear. Starting a new chapter in life is one of the most intriguing and yet stressful things that I could possibly do. I have flip-flopped back and forth SO much about what I am going to do after graduation. I was consistently stressed about it. Finally, after about six different decisions I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to go home for a couple of months. I figure that right now I have no money, no job, no place to live, etc. going home is one of the best things I could do. I haven't been home for more than a couple of weeks at a time for the past three years. I'm really excited to be with my family, and actually be able to be a part of their lives.

The next thing on the agenda is addiction. Anna went to a seminar on addictive minds. It was given by a neurosurgeon. He presented how there are physical and mental addictions. Physical addiction, as we all know, has effects on the brain which shrink the logical mind, thus making it so that a person can't make decisions logically. Mental addictions, the one in focus being pornography, do the exact same thing. Your mental state is literally changed. Even though you aren't putting a substance into your body it has the same effects. SO take that every person on this planet that says, "it isn't effecting anyone else, it's my own personal choice."

Speaking of people that I want to stick it to...Obama. Can we just talk about the absolutely ridiculous taxes that he is putting on the people, or "senate" is putting on the people. Mainly his soda tax. I am sure there are some good points about it...but it drives me crazy.

Obviously I have a bit of aggression. I've been looking for healthy ways to let it out, that one goes back to the therapist. I started fighting again. Lol I know what you're thinking, 'that's a healthy way to let it out?' Ya... this way it is! I swear! I go to a martial arts class once or twice a week and started boxing again, whenever I can find someone to do it with. It makes me so happy! The other night I got home and I was a lot happier than when I had left. Anna asked why and all I could think of was, "do you know how good it feels to punch someone as hard as you can, in the face?" Anyway, it's been great, and I'm getting back into shape with it.

And last but not least... My cousin Beth is in the hospital with double pneumonia. She is twenty-six, a smoker, and they found some kind of a lump in her lungs the other week. She took a turn for the worst the other day. They put her on a breathing machine. Her body was using the oxygen they were giving her to try to fight the machine. The doctors induced her into a coma when her fever spiked the other night. Now it's just waiting to see which way she goes. The doctor told my aunt that the symptoms she is showing are those that people in their seventies usually show. Basically she would be dead if she was old, but because she is young she is fighting it. The irony is that she needs that will for her to survive, but it is that same will that might kill her because she is fighting the machines. If she turns for the better she'll have a long road back to recovery. They say that she might even have to learn how to walk all over again. If she doesn't recover it will be a long process of slowly slipping into the arms of our Heavenly Father.

I'm not ready to lose her.

When my mom called me to tell me what was happening, all of the memories I have with Beth went through my mind. There are a lot of them. I lot of really good ones. They flashed like it was a movie reel. I only remember a couple of other times in my life where that happened. It is usually when things are coming to an end, which scares me...because I don't want it to end. I found myself calling my mom and finding out all the updates, standing in the campus bookstore, fighting back tears. I don't cry that often, usually, and absolutely not in public.

So, there it is for now...until next time, just pray as much as possible...it's the only thing that people can do.

Reminder Post

This a blog to remind me to make another blog about these things: therapy, depression, addictions, Obama sucks, and fighting

Very Blessed by Godspeed

So, this past week I was working at a security desk in the library and an acquaintance walked by. I asked how he was, and he, being from Texas said, "very blessed". This term is one that I have heard a billion times. As I was serving as a missionary in the Houston area I heard it at least a few times a day. "how are you?" "very blessed". If I heard this phrase 3 times a day, which I am sure that I did, I must have heard it 1,641 times. The sad thing is that even though for a year and a half I heard this phrase over and over again, I never really stopped to think about what the people were actually saying. A couple of days ago I did. I realized, and was explained by this young man, that it was a way of reminding himself that everything he has is due to the Lord. Intriguing, I know. We go about our lives trying to become better and accomplish many different tasks, and everything we do, receive, or give is all because of the Lord. How many times do we really stop to think about what that means.

I began thinking about this during fast and testimony meeting at church this past weekend (if any of you don't know what that is, ask, I'll explain). As the sacrament was being past I was thinking of the sacrifice my Savior has made for me. This thought lead to gratitude and how I can more fully show it. The next thing that came in this train of thought was the term 'very blessed'. It amazes me how simple it is to show our Heavenly Father and His Son how grateful we are for the things we have been given in our lives.

I'm not perfect, as most people know. In fact, I am a very inadequate individual most of the time. At times I feel as if there is more in my life to mourn and moan over rather than praising God and showing gratitude. This brings me to the second phrase I have been pondering this past week, "godspeed". What is that even supposed to mean? It only took me a second or two to break it down and realize, it means exactly what it says, "god's speed".

The Lord has his own timing. I don't always, and most of the time don't, understand why things happen on the timetable they do. All I know for sure is that God is in charge. He knows when in our lives it will be best for us to have anything and everything happen. We hear the term "good luck" quite a bit in our society. It's one of those patterns of speech that comes without even thinking because it is so common. Yet, I don't believe in luck. I believe in faith as an action word. The stronger our faith is and the more we act on it the more our Father in Heaven is able to bless us. "Luck" is a blessing given to us that we don't necessarily deserve but our Father has seen fit to give us. Yet, it has to be in his timing, because even though we desire it, it might not be the correct thing for us. He knows when and what we are supposed to get in our lives for us to become what He would have us become. So the next time you go to say "good luck" to someone, think twice about how it is in the Lord's hands, not yours, and Godspeed...you're very blessed.