To the Heroes in My Life, and All Others in Existance.

This time of year has become somewhat important to me throughout my life. It all started when I was a little kid. It was an extra day off of school just as the sun was coming out, the weather was warming up, and the pools were opening. I remember begging my mom to let us jump into the pool in the barely seventy degree weather. Then begging her to let me and a cousin ride our bikes to the 7-ll down the main road from where we live to buy the most amazing summer treat, a slurpee. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

These few days grew more important to me as I learned the meaning of Memorial day and why we got those magnificent days off. We are a unique country in our history and our present. There are many lives and loved ones which have been sacrificed throughout the years on our behalf. We have freedoms like nowhere else in this existence of ours. It was given to us by those sacrifices, those martyrs, those who are true heroes.

When I was seven my little sister, Mary Beth, was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. It is a childhood cancer somewhat like Leukemia. She lived until she was seven years old, four years later. She is a miracle in my life. Some wonder how that could be, considering the fact that she has passed from this life into the next. The truth is that she was able to defy many odds. She wasn't supposed to live as long as she did, and her attitude through it all was remarkable. She continually exemplified what it means to be happy in our troubles and despairs. As a five year old little girl she understood what it meant to have faith in God. There was a spirit of contenment with her situation which she carried to all those around her. She became a hero to me and to many others through this process. It's only fitting that when she finally returned home to her Father in Heaven she did it on a weekend which is already celebrated for so many heroes in this world. I only wish I could be closer to her physical grave at this time in order to pay the respects I know she deserves.

My thoughts also turn to my mother and father. They are such amazing people. I am so lucky and honored to have them in my life and be able to call them my parents. I don't believe they truly understand or grasp what they have given to me, nor how much of an effect they had on helping Mary Beth be the person she was here on this earth, and I am sure that she is in Heaven. They are my unsung heroes, which I whope one day will understand the reverence I have for them.

I am now sitting on my front porch, conveniently overlooking a cemetary. All day long I have been intrigued by the presence of so many different people paying tribute to those who they love and care for. American flags speckle the ground a gift to those who have given it their all. Flowers are in bloom on almost every grave. As I watch and admire their beauty in full bloom, children run and play, as the elderly stop and ponder a moment upon certain graves. I'm sure they are pondering not only the lives of those who ahve been lost, but their own, and the future lives of the children which they bring with them.

What a legacy we have. What an enormous responsibility to keep it going. I love this country, I love those who built it for me. To the heroes in my life, and the heroes in all others' lives out there. Thank you, and God bless.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ

I have this picture a dear friend gave to me hanging on my wall. On the left there is a man holding His hand out, reaching for something. He is bearded with kind and loving eyes. His eyes pierce your soul, even from a picture. On the right another man, also bearded, with eyes which seem to say "I can't do it... at least not alone! I need help!". His hand is almost reaching, more like rising to a position of reaching. He almost has hesitation in his movement. In between the two is a stormy, clouded sky with rays of light shining between the clouds, onto waves of water with two men standing on top of the water. The man on the left is our Savior, the man on the right, Peter, His disciple.

Walking on water must not have been an easy task, but it was simple. Peter, even being a strong man could not accomplish this simple task on his own. He needed his Savior to help.

This picture is a representation of the Savior's Atonement for me. It shows us attributes our Savior possess to prove that He is the Son of God and a Perfect being. This story of Peter becomes a parable to our lives, and to the Atonement.

Peter sees Christ on the water, and calls to Him. Christ beckons Peter to come forward onto the water. With faith Peter walks on water. Peter recognizes the storms around him and begins to sink. Peter cries for the Lord and the Lord reaches out to lift Peter up.

We see Christ. We have a desire to come closer to Him. Christ wants us to come to Him, He is continually calling to us. We must have the faith to walk on water to reach Him. As we act in faith, sometimes, we fall, we begin to sink. We see life or mortality as hard. It's too much to handle. We fall into temptations of physical, mental, emotional pleasures. We sink. We must call out to our Savior for help. We must so that He can reach for us.

Elder Holland has said that Christ has descended below all so that no matter how far we fall He can be there to lift us back up.

Christ is there to lift us as we ask for Him to.

He is there to lift us, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Brother, and our Friend.
He is the Son of God, the Only Begotten, the Prince of Peace. He loves us. We must show our love to Him by living His gospel to the fullest and by leaning on the saving powers of His Atonement.
Through His grace we shall be saved.

Here is a LONG one for you...

Ok, well, it's Thanksgiving break. We have the whole week off. I'm still in Rexburg. It seems as much as I want to leave this place I can never get away. Randy and I went down to Utah this past Saturday. It was really nice, even if it was just for one day. I got to see some of my favorite people in the whole world, and introduce them to another one of my favorite people! I love it when that happens.

So, to update on what I wrote my last blog on... Starting with therapy and depression. I've had the opportunity to go and see a therapist on campus. He has diagnosed me with situational depression. Basically that means when life gets really stressful my body handles it as if I had depression. That's been really fun to deal with lately seeing as every part of my life that I have had comfortable for the past six years is about to disappear. Starting a new chapter in life is one of the most intriguing and yet stressful things that I could possibly do. I have flip-flopped back and forth SO much about what I am going to do after graduation. I was consistently stressed about it. Finally, after about six different decisions I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to go home for a couple of months. I figure that right now I have no money, no job, no place to live, etc. going home is one of the best things I could do. I haven't been home for more than a couple of weeks at a time for the past three years. I'm really excited to be with my family, and actually be able to be a part of their lives.

The next thing on the agenda is addiction. Anna went to a seminar on addictive minds. It was given by a neurosurgeon. He presented how there are physical and mental addictions. Physical addiction, as we all know, has effects on the brain which shrink the logical mind, thus making it so that a person can't make decisions logically. Mental addictions, the one in focus being pornography, do the exact same thing. Your mental state is literally changed. Even though you aren't putting a substance into your body it has the same effects. SO take that every person on this planet that says, "it isn't effecting anyone else, it's my own personal choice."

Speaking of people that I want to stick it to...Obama. Can we just talk about the absolutely ridiculous taxes that he is putting on the people, or "senate" is putting on the people. Mainly his soda tax. I am sure there are some good points about it...but it drives me crazy.

Obviously I have a bit of aggression. I've been looking for healthy ways to let it out, that one goes back to the therapist. I started fighting again. Lol I know what you're thinking, 'that's a healthy way to let it out?' Ya... this way it is! I swear! I go to a martial arts class once or twice a week and started boxing again, whenever I can find someone to do it with. It makes me so happy! The other night I got home and I was a lot happier than when I had left. Anna asked why and all I could think of was, "do you know how good it feels to punch someone as hard as you can, in the face?" Anyway, it's been great, and I'm getting back into shape with it.

And last but not least... My cousin Beth is in the hospital with double pneumonia. She is twenty-six, a smoker, and they found some kind of a lump in her lungs the other week. She took a turn for the worst the other day. They put her on a breathing machine. Her body was using the oxygen they were giving her to try to fight the machine. The doctors induced her into a coma when her fever spiked the other night. Now it's just waiting to see which way she goes. The doctor told my aunt that the symptoms she is showing are those that people in their seventies usually show. Basically she would be dead if she was old, but because she is young she is fighting it. The irony is that she needs that will for her to survive, but it is that same will that might kill her because she is fighting the machines. If she turns for the better she'll have a long road back to recovery. They say that she might even have to learn how to walk all over again. If she doesn't recover it will be a long process of slowly slipping into the arms of our Heavenly Father.

I'm not ready to lose her.

When my mom called me to tell me what was happening, all of the memories I have with Beth went through my mind. There are a lot of them. I lot of really good ones. They flashed like it was a movie reel. I only remember a couple of other times in my life where that happened. It is usually when things are coming to an end, which scares me...because I don't want it to end. I found myself calling my mom and finding out all the updates, standing in the campus bookstore, fighting back tears. I don't cry that often, usually, and absolutely not in public.

So, there it is for now...until next time, just pray as much as possible...it's the only thing that people can do.

Reminder Post

This a blog to remind me to make another blog about these things: therapy, depression, addictions, Obama sucks, and fighting

Very Blessed by Godspeed

So, this past week I was working at a security desk in the library and an acquaintance walked by. I asked how he was, and he, being from Texas said, "very blessed". This term is one that I have heard a billion times. As I was serving as a missionary in the Houston area I heard it at least a few times a day. "how are you?" "very blessed". If I heard this phrase 3 times a day, which I am sure that I did, I must have heard it 1,641 times. The sad thing is that even though for a year and a half I heard this phrase over and over again, I never really stopped to think about what the people were actually saying. A couple of days ago I did. I realized, and was explained by this young man, that it was a way of reminding himself that everything he has is due to the Lord. Intriguing, I know. We go about our lives trying to become better and accomplish many different tasks, and everything we do, receive, or give is all because of the Lord. How many times do we really stop to think about what that means.

I began thinking about this during fast and testimony meeting at church this past weekend (if any of you don't know what that is, ask, I'll explain). As the sacrament was being past I was thinking of the sacrifice my Savior has made for me. This thought lead to gratitude and how I can more fully show it. The next thing that came in this train of thought was the term 'very blessed'. It amazes me how simple it is to show our Heavenly Father and His Son how grateful we are for the things we have been given in our lives.

I'm not perfect, as most people know. In fact, I am a very inadequate individual most of the time. At times I feel as if there is more in my life to mourn and moan over rather than praising God and showing gratitude. This brings me to the second phrase I have been pondering this past week, "godspeed". What is that even supposed to mean? It only took me a second or two to break it down and realize, it means exactly what it says, "god's speed".

The Lord has his own timing. I don't always, and most of the time don't, understand why things happen on the timetable they do. All I know for sure is that God is in charge. He knows when in our lives it will be best for us to have anything and everything happen. We hear the term "good luck" quite a bit in our society. It's one of those patterns of speech that comes without even thinking because it is so common. Yet, I don't believe in luck. I believe in faith as an action word. The stronger our faith is and the more we act on it the more our Father in Heaven is able to bless us. "Luck" is a blessing given to us that we don't necessarily deserve but our Father has seen fit to give us. Yet, it has to be in his timing, because even though we desire it, it might not be the correct thing for us. He knows when and what we are supposed to get in our lives for us to become what He would have us become. So the next time you go to say "good luck" to someone, think twice about how it is in the Lord's hands, not yours, and Godspeed...you're very blessed.

New Hair Color...

So I'm getting really bored with my hair. I promised my mom that I would grow it long again seeing as it is her favorite and I haven't had it long in like 6 years. SO I found this hair color on Kelly Clarkson that I really like... a lot. Anyone who wants to comment on it, be my guest. Let me know what you think!

Well, I thought I was going to do better at this whole blogging thing, but maybe it will continue to be a random sampling of my life. Here is the latest:

I am living in American Fork with my oldest brother and his family. His family consists of my sis-in-law, 3 year old nephew, and 1 1/2 year old niece. They are adorable. Pictures will follow shortly of our adventures during this past few weeks. I just started working at Best Buy mobile selling cell phones. I like it so far. It's a great company to work for, I'm hoping to keep it for awhile. I initially moved down here hoping for a job at a treatment center for young women with disorders. I did get the job, just not until January when I'll be here permanently after graduation. I never really wanted to live in Utah, but it grows on me the longer I'm here...kinda like Idaho did.

Lately life has been kind of crazy. I know those of you who know me well are thinking "when isn't your life kinda crazy". It's normal sometimes, I promise. Anyways, when I moved down here I got a call from an ex who I hadn't talked to in 5 years. It was random and fun. We went longboarding with some friends down Provo canyon in the middle of the night. It was a blast. Since we've seen each other a lot. It's so nice to have a good friend here. No, for those who are wondering, nothing is going on, we are really good friends. I enjoy it. I'm still talking to my latest ex, Morgan. He's a good guy, and a good friend too. Sometimes I think I'm insane for not dating any of the boys in my life, but all I can say is that there isn't that spark that I'm looking for. I have gotten to a point where there is no fun to be had in dating. All I am looking for is that spark...it just hasn't come yet.

Meanwhile it has been really nice to get to connect with a couple of cousins and family, a couple of mission buddies, and a few friends. It has been great all in all, for some reason I am highly anxcious to get back to Rexburg. I miss school, I only have one semester left! But I will miss it. That is it in a nutshell for right now! Thanks for reading.